I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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