I'm really into asian looking animals
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
