I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
