Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
