T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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