Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
