i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
