The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
