i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
