Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
