Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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