It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
