so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
