His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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