my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
