My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
