just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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