I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
