She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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