I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
