she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
