is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's always time for handjobs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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