for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
