ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize