i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
