Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
