It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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