I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
