Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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