I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
