why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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