Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
