It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the condom got lost in my hair
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Every concussion has its silver lining
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize