According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
