TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
