I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
