I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
