i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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