You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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