Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
