dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Semen is not good for contacts.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
