Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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