Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
