drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
