How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
