OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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