It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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