ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
