thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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