I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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