I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
