I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
