his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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