don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
