For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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