i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
