An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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