Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
