You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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