when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you will always have a special place in my vag
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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