pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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