Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
