I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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