youre lurking in front of me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
