Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize