careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
