You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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