I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
