Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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