'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You don't make any sense
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