I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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