so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
