We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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