4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
