First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
