if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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