I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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