Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
