i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
