I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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