Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
