she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
