The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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