She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
