I just pynch a tree in the face
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
