I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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