Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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