That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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