That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Drunk is not a location!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
