i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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