Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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