Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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