new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
vagina is talking i cant
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
