K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
