You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
