Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
