if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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