I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
