I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
